How to overcome fear is probably one of the biggest mysteries in our society.
We are all very familiar with the feeling of fear, but very few of us actually understand it enough to be able to manage it properly, let alone get rid of it altogether.
But it need not be like that.
In this video, I delve deep into the concept of fear, how it works, how our bodies respond to it and why, and ultimately teach you how to overcome and rid yourself of it using my #1 weapon against fear.
WARNING: After watching this video you’ll be in possession of a technique that has the potential of changing the game for you incredibly fast…. not by 10X, but by 100X!
Consider yourself warned! 😉
FULL TRANSCRIPT 👇🏻
Hello everyone, David Fernandez here, I’m the founder of the Coach Your Way School and the author of The #1 Factor That Determines Your Success In Business which by the way you can get for free once you join our Facebook group and I have a link in the description for you to do so a little later.
Welcome and today’s video is going to be about how to overcome fear, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of public speaking, fear of ridicule, losing money, and even fear of success. So if you can relate to any of the above, stick around because this video is for you.
We are all very familiar with the feeling of fear but very few people actually understand what fear is, how it works, let alone how to manage it properly. Fear is not the enemy, fear is actually your best friend. Imagine if we were 100% fearless, truly fearless, how long do you think we would last on this earth? We would get killed as soon as we step outside, so fear is not the enemy, fear is actually there to protect you. The problem is when a non life threatening situation or event or experience that we come across triggers fear in us and everything that comes with it, the biological fight or flight response that gets set off every time puts us in a real life threatening situation.
Here is how fear works, there is a part in our brain, usually referred to as a reptilian brain that is in charge of your survival and your instinctual responses. At the center of the reptilian brain, there is the amygdala and the amygdala’s job is to scan around your environment for potentially harmful situations that could be life threatening. If it finds something that could potentially harm you it will send some signals out to alert your body and to get it ready to either fight, flee or freeze. This is a program that we all come with. It wasn’t learned, it wasn’t programmed after you were born, it was just there since day one.
On the other hand, we have other parts of the brain that can store information. Usually what they do is take all these scans of the environment and store them in this memory bank alongside with all kinds of memories about the feelings that you were having, as you were experiencing that situation, colors, smells, etc. All this information can be used at a later time for the brain to be able to compare new situations, new events, new experiences with previous events, in order to determine if we have had the experience in the past and if it was a safe experience or it was a potentially harmful one. This memory bank is what we usually call the subconscious mind and everything gets stored in this memory bank, every experience, every situation, every event that you’ve been through in your life since day one, gets stored in your subconscious mind literally in the back of your head.
Now you can see that on one side, you have the primalistic part of the brain, the reptilian part of the brain that came with a software to help you survive at a very instinctive level. Then on the other side, you have this ongoing learning machine that keeps scanning the environment and adding more and more information to this library of events and things that could potentially harm you and the two of them combined, literally enhancing your probability of survival. It is pretty amazing how this works.
Now that you know a little bit more about the biology of fear and how it all works, let’s talk about the two different ways that we can categorize fear. On the one side we have the real life threatening fears, which are the ones that the amygdala helps you scan for and send signals for, if you find yourself in a real life threatening situation. This side of fear you don’t want to do anything about. I don’t even think you could, you just want to leave it the way it is, it is there for a reason and there to protect you.
On the other side, we have the learned fears, all these fears of failure, fears of rejection, public speaking, losing money, missing out, fears of even success, they all live on this side, they are learned fears, fears that we got from exposure to life, experiences that we’ve had that have been harmful, either physically or psychologically harmful to us, fears that we’ve gathered from parents, and educators, role models in society that have come from opinions of what is harmful versus what is not. All of these fears are the ones that we are concerned with, the ones that I like to call imaginary fears, because we can affect them, we can eliminate them, we can learn how to reprogram them because they’re being detrimental to our lives and the potential lives we could be having, were it not for these fears.
Imaginary fears are mostly of a psychological nature and they are mostly based on uncertainty and rejection. So on the uncertainty side, everything that is new to us, every new experience, every new person, every new situation in your brain could be harmful to you, because there is nothing in your memory that it can compare it to, in order to know or make a decision if it’s a safe situation or not. Uncertainty is at the very core of fear. When we talk about imaginary fears, one of the main reasons for this fear, the main reason for distress, is not knowing how to handle a certain situation because it is uncertain. We don’t know what the outcome is going to be and we don’t know if we’re going to be able to figure it out and just because of that amount of uncertainty, your first reaction is to avoid it altogether, because it could be potentially harmful, some way, somehow, because you don’t know what the outcome is going to be.
There is uncertainty in knowing how to handle something. Once you’ve been through the experience you build that confidence of knowing how to handle a certain situation and then there’s no fear anymore, it dissipates. So uncertainty is a major cause of fear and distress and avoidance. The number two cause for imaginary fears is the fear of rejection. I want to say in part is part of our primal software that comes with us when we’re born in our brains, why? Because in nature, when you are part of a herd, when you are part of the whole community, you have higher probabilities of survival. Just think of deer in the wild or any type of herd animal, which we are in distress, if it were to find itself, alone out there, it could potentially be killed.
We need community, we need to feel part of something, we need to belong, it’s part of our primal survival programming. For this reason we fear rejection and it is also learned because it’s in everybody’s DNA. It gets reinforced in our community, by our parents, our teachers, our friends, constantly to the point that it’s primal, it’s subconscious, and it’s also brought to a conscious level, so that’s why we fear it so much. Knowing this, if you think about all the other psychological fears that most people have, like public speaking, fear of failure, fear of ridicule, they are all related to one or the other. It is either about not knowing how to handle something, and that uncertainty that comes from that, or fear of rejection, like public speaking or failing at something, they’re all related to the same thing, it is either uncertainty or being rejected by your community, not belonging.
So what do we do about fear? How can we actually eliminate it, if it can be eliminated? How can we actually overcome fear so we can have more experiences in life? More fun, more success, doing things that we never thought possible, but were always possible for us, it was just a fear holding us back. How can we actually do this? I’m going to give it to you in one sentence, it’s going to seem like it’s very simplistic, but it’s super profound and it doesn’t necessarily happen overnight but here it is. Fear can be completely dissolved and eliminated the moment that you accept the feeling of discomfort, that fear brings to you, that’s it.
All you have to do is accept the feeling that you’re going to be in a period of discomfort for some time, until either the task is done or the event is finished or the feeling goes away. Let me give you an example of this. Let’s say you’re afraid of public speaking, and you’re doing a speech next week. So you start preparing for the speech, you’re nervous, you’re feeling sick, you sweat, just thinking of the moment and you’re not even there. You are just thinking about the whole situation going the worst it could. All these thoughts, which are completely imaginary and psychological, that you’re creating, you’re creating this fear that it’s almost like, dying. It is the same biological process that is happening in your body, as it would be if you were in a life threatening situation, but you’re triggering this through your mind, through putting pictures in your head about the situation in a certain outcome that you’re so afraid of.
But what are you actually afraid of? You’re afraid of the speech not going well, of forgetting your lines, of looking bad, of people making fun of you and all these things. Let’s say that would be the outcome, you do the speech and it bombs and it’s crap. All these feelings that come in that moment are exactly what you’re trying to avoid. That’s all you’re avoiding, it’s a feeling, the moment you decide to accept the possibility of that happening to you, and that you’re going to feel all that discomfort, the acceptance of the feeling will actually help you manage the fear, it’ll actually dissolve most of it because you’re bringing into a conscious level what could happen, you bringing to a conscious level the experience ahead of time and even the possibility of everything going south, and you being okay with it, that is what you’re accepting. Because you’re not going to die, even though you’re feeling like it, you’re not going to die logically. So you’re bringing logic into consciousness, self awareness to the moment and thinking about the situation in a more logical way.
Once you accept the feeling, usually, the fear dissolves, or at least diminishes by a lot, probably like 80%, it’ll go away. Just because now you’re telling your brain, I am not going to be afraid anymore of these feelings. These feelings could happen but these feelings cannot stop me from actually doing what I’m about to do. It is just a feeling and your inability to experience or accept that feeling for a little bit, a day or two, maybe just five minutes won’t stop you.
But the fact that you’re not accepting the possibility of experiencing that feeling and being in discomfort for a little bit, is holding you back tremendously in not just public speaking, we’re talking about life in general. Every single thing that you are afraid of, you’re just afraid of a feeling. Everything that is not potentially harmful to your physicality, everything that could potentially create some discomfort, psychological discomfort, that is exactly what you’re avoiding. The moment that you just say to yourself, I accept the possibility of being in discomfort for a little bit, in order for me to be able to do something that I really want to do, something that is going to propel me forward in a certain direction or give me a certain experience that is going to make my life richer for it, that’s the moment that the fear either goes away completely or it gets diminished to a level that is super manageable and it’s not going to feel like everything that your imagining.
Hope you got a lot of value from this video and that you learned a thing or two. If that is the case, please subscribe to my channel and hit the notification bell in order to be notified next time there is a new video available. In the meantime, go check out these two videos right here, I’m sure you’ll get a lot of value from them as well. Until next time, I wish you all the best and let’s get out there and start changing lives one session at a time, see you.