Lack of confidence is a byproduct of fear, and more specifically fear of rejection.
In this video you will learn how and why we are all naturally wired to fear rejection, and how these 6 hacks will help you boost your level of confidence so that you can:
- Put yourself out there more
- Go for bigger and better things
- Have more fulfillment in life, and
- Ultimately, be happier!
FULL TRANSCRIPT 👇🏻
Hello everyone. David Fernandez here, I’m the founder of The Coach Your Way School and the author of The Number One Factor that Determines Your Success in Business, which by the way, you can get for free once you join our Facebook group and I have a link in the description for you to do so a little later.
Welcome and today we are going to be talking about how to have more confidence and the six hacks for boosting confidence.
I am going to be sharing with you six hacks that have allowed me to boost my level of confidence over the years to a place that I never really thought would be possible for me.
If you are struggling with confidence issues right now and would like to learn a few hacks on how you can boost your level of confidence to put yourself out there more we are talking about that today. So you can go for bigger better things, so you can have more fulfillment and ultimately be happier. Stick around because this video is for you.
Why do we lack confidence? Confidence is a by-product of fear and more specifically fear of rejection. If you haven’t seen my video on how to overcome fear, I suggest you do so a little later. Here’s the link to it. In that video, I talked about how we are wired from birth to fear rejection, out of a matter of survival.
If you go to nature and you look at her and animals, we could be considered a herd animal. They travel in packs, in order to increase their chances of survival. Once you see one lagging behind, it becomes a target, and it’ll most likely die for better or for worse; we have that same programming.
We fear rejection, because rejection from our peers, from our society, our community could mean pain and ultimately, death. It’s not going to happen logically. But as far as our brains are concerned it is a real thing.
Things like making mistakes in front of people, or failing to accomplish a goal or lacking a physical ability are scary to us. In order to perform a physical activity or sport, lacking smarts in order to perform certain tasks at a certain level of proficiency, all these things could mean rejection from our peers or our community.
Your brain is constantly scanning for situations where it knows it is not competent enough to perform at a certain level or at an acceptable level. What it does is it tries to avoid them at all cost. The brain naturally focuses on avoiding uncertainty simply because it cannot foresee the outcome of something. If it doesn’t know enough about a certain situation and the possible outcome of it, it would rather avoid it altogether just in case it could harm us in any way physically or psychologically.
Don’t ever feel like you’re broken in any way or that there are people that are better than you because they have no confidence issues or they experience no fear. It’s not like that. We are all wired the same way and it is in everybody’s DNA
What happens is that some people have learned to manage these instinctual triggers, whenever they experience a fear, whenever they have a confidence issue, and they’re able to manage to perform whatever it is that they need to do, in spite of the feelings.
If you really want to learn more about this I suggest that you go watch the How to Overcome Fear video.
Six Hacks That Will Help You Overcome a Lack of Confidence
1. Showing up for yourself.
This means keeping your word to yourself and doing what you said you were going to do. Show yourself that you can count on yourself. This doesn’t have to be a huge thing that you do or big events or anything like that, you could do one little thing at a time.
You could say to yourself, “I won’t eat ice cream today”, for example. And at the end of the day, because you didn’t do it, you acknowledge it and you feel good about it. You kept your word and you did what you said you’re going to do. Things like today I’m going to go to the gym and then you go to the gym, you kept your word to yourself. Things like, in the morning, you can say to yourself, “Well, I’m going to figure this thing out today”.
By the end of the day you have figured out that one thing that you said you’re going to figure out. If you keep the promise, it doesn’t matter the task. You are reprogramming your brain, to know and to feel confident about what you say, and you’re keeping your commitments.
All this stuff is super, super powerful, nothing has been able to change my personality and my ability to trust myself more than this technique. So I highly suggest that you start with something little everyday just building that commitment, confidence that you can do what you say. It’ll change your image about yourself, what you’re capable of, your abilities, your self worth, everything starts changing because you keep your word to yourself. So again, number one, show up for yourself.
2. Acknowledge your past successes consciously.
The purpose of this exercise is for you to show yourself that you have been able to figure out an enormous amount of things in the past that you have learned an enormous amount of lessons from your past successes, from your past failures, from everything that you’ve done in your life, and that you can do more. You have done a lot.
In life, we go through an enormous amount of experiences good and bad, many successes, many failures, but they all leave a ton of different lessons that you can leverage into propelling you forward in whatever direction you decide to go.
The problem is that because of the way the brain is wired it is always looking for the bad, always looking for what could be potentially harmful. It just chooses to discard a lot of these different successes or past lessons, as nothing or not important because there were successes, they didn’t lead to pain or anything like that and we’re only concerned with pain and avoiding pain. So it only focuses on the lessons that came from failure.
Knowing this, the trick is to go back in the past and make a list of all your past successes, all the times that you were at zero, zero confidence, zero knowledge and you were able to go through a process and come out ahead. Maybe a small success, maybe a big success, maybe you just learned a new skill. It’s happened many, many, many times in your life. If you just take a moment to make this list to see all the lessons that you have learned throughout life, so you can see what the process was like for you, to go from nothing to everything.
It could have been a job. We all know that you don’t learn the job in school. You learn the job by showing up, by being trained by someone or just by doing and figuring everything out yourself. So if you pick any one of your jobs, and you just picture yourself, day number one, how you felt, how uncomfortable everything was, how new, how uncertain the fear, the lack of confidence with things et cetera. In the process that you went through how it felt how you were able to start figuring things out and you became proficient in many of the things that job required to all of a sudden get to a place where you were almost second nature with all these things. You didn’t need to think much about things, et cetera. You’re probably in a place where you could just turn around and train anyone on the same job. What was that process like for you? That is a success.
Whether your brain deems that as success or not, that’s a different story. But anything that you were not able to do that now you’re able to do is a success. So if you grab that process, and break it down into pieces, like the beginning, the feelings, the emotions, the things that had to happen for you to learn how your process was like and how long it took, and what you got from the experience, et cetera, all these things are showing you exactly what your process of figuring something out is.
Anything that you decide to do from here on is going to be very, very similar. So now you have literally told your brain consciously, well, if this is what happened in the past, and it happened here, and it happened when I learned how to drive, and it happened when I learned how to use a computer the first time or my phone or a certain software, or Facebook or whatever, the process was the same.
I felt unsure about myself at first, then I started gaining some proficiency and made a lot of mistakes that showed me how to do things properly to a point that I was totally proficient in that environment or whatever. Now that I know what the process is like, you are literally eliminating or dissipating uncertainty for future learning, for future opportunities to put yourself out there, in a new situation for you that may make you uncomfortable that you may not feel too confident about. But now because there’s this memory of a process, the uncertainty of it all dissipates enormously. I encourage you to acknowledge your past successes now.
When you visualize something, you’re literally creating an image in your mind of yourself sometime in the future, performing or having performed a certain task in a successful way. So what I want you to do is to go back to that exercise that we did in hack number two, where you broke down a certain task or job into all these different phases from beginner to proficient, and use the memory of this process to help you in this visualization. Here’s how you visualize. Find a comfortable place to sit down at or lay down quietly. Close your eyes and take three deep breaths. Feel the breath and relax your muscles with every breath. Just focus on relaxing your body. At that moment, I want you to bring a picture of yourself right now where you stand, with whatever feelings that you’re going through the level of confidence you’re at, that’s okay. Just don’t linger there too much. It’s just to acknowledge where you stand right now.
Now, I want you to picture yourself going down this path, whatever that process was like for you, whatever it feels for you to go from zero to 100. In any area of your life. Just go through that process. With this goal of yours, whatever you want to accomplish, just go through the process. Imagine what it would be like to take the first step, how you would feel there, take the second step, take the third step figuring this out, figuring the other thing out. starting to see some momentum build, starting to see some outcomes and getting some results along the way. Ultimately, I want you to picture yourself at the finish line, looking back. So you’re there, you already accomplished the goal.
I want you to feel the way you would feel when you get there, when you accomplish this goal, how would you feel? Try to generate that feeling from within. Seeing yourself in the finish line, just looking back saying, Wow, I did it. Here I am and I was able to go through this process just like any other time, no problem. I was able to master this or accomplish this goal. That’s how you visualize what you’re doing. But primarily what you’re doing is just putting images in your mind that you may not think they’re possible for you. You’re putting images of how you would feel.
You’re creating a certain vibration within you that is going to literally start creating opportunities and attracting things to you, because of that visualization because of you feeling already like you are there. Things are just going to start happening for you. It’s a major confidence builder because now in your mind that you’re creating, literally, you’re imprinting a memory of something that you want, that has never been there. That’s why it is so important to visualize.
4.Read motivational literature constantly.
This is something that I do daily because it literally changes my mood, it uplifts me, it inspires me to keep doing, to keep going, to do more, things that I never thought possible because I see in this literature, how all these people have been able to achieve all these things and how they have gone through similar situations as me. I can relate to them and I feel motivated, inspired by their stories and by their accomplishments. So it’s something that I highly, highly recommend people do on a daily basis, especially in the morning. It’ll change your mood completely, it’ll inspire you, it’ll give you confidence.
5. Read good nonfiction books regularly.
Learning about a number of different topics makes you more valuable not just to yourself but to your community, to your job, to your family. It boosts your confidence immensely, because you’re able to dispel a lot of uncertainty about a lot of different things. Because now you know you’re gathering information, you’re learning how to think differently, you’re able to show up differently. So reading about a lot of different topics is key to boosting your self confidence and I know it’s done it for me in ways that I cannot even explain. In the description, I’m going to add a few links to some of my favorite books in case you need some guidance as to where to start.
6. Create a toolbox of resources.
Let me explain to you what a resource is. A resource is a premeditated way of dealing with a situation. You know how sometimes we have these automatic responses that keep us in these vicious circles that we just don’t want to be in. Sometimes we feel forced to say yes to somebody’s invitation to go out to dinner with them. We’re in a group environment and everybody’s trying to figure out what to eat or where to eat and we just say, yeah, whatever, when we actually do have a preference. So coming up with premeditated ways to counteract these automatic responses is key to your self confidence because now you’re being true to yourself, and you’re not allowing your programming to dictate what the responses are.
If you always say yes, then you need to find a way to say no in a polite way that is not going to make you feel too tense or too uncomfortable, to do it and you practice it and you do it and next time it happens you’re ready for it. For example, you have an invitation for dinner, then you just don’t want to go, then boom, you pull out your little script. “Hey I’m sorry, I’m a little up in the air with a number of projects that I have”, and I need to remain a little “flexible with my schedule” and I would hate to have to cancel, “so how about I get back to you whenever things come down a little bit”, for example. So you have that written down and you practiced it a couple times. Now you know next time you get asked to go out to dinner with people that you don’t want to be with, you just tell that you have certain projects going on, you need to remain flexible and that you will get back to them whenever things calm down but for now, you would hate to have to cancel.
Let’s say you’re in a group environment and you have a number of people making decisions and you always go with the flow, right? Yeah, sure, whatever you guys want, I’m okay with it. But do you really have a preference? So how about when somebody asks you. “So what do you think about it? How should we go about this project or whatever?” So you know what, I would prefer if we actually did this. I feel like there’s more possibilities here or whatever. Or I actually would prefer to have Chinese, if everybody’s okay with that, otherwise, that’s fine. But I would prefer Chinese if that’s okay. So these are little scripts that you create, with situations that you automatically feel like you have to respond in a certain way. So I encourage you to make a list of all these different things that constantly show up in your life that you feel like you need help with. Just write them down and then create a little script on how to get out of that situation graciously.
It doesn’t have to be just situations in a group or involving other people. It could be how to stay motivated. How do I get up in the morning and do what I need to do. Then you create this little resource like in my case, for example, sometimes I do read something motivational that is going to get me in the mood of inspiration. I have several ways that I can inspire myself whether it’s reading sometimes or it’s watching a certain motivational video. Another trick that works for me, one of my resources is whenever I have a very tedious thing to do throughout the day, I chunk it in 30 minute time slots with breaks every 30 minutes. For example, I sit in front of the computer and have to write a long article or long script for something and I know it’s going to take me all day to do it then I have my phone next to the computer and set the timer to 30 minutes. When I hit start I get going. I know my brain knows that in 30 minutes, I get a break. So for 30 minutes, I’m looking at the clock and it gets me going, it gets me motivated. It’s almost like it becomes a race against the clock.
These are resources that you create in order to help you get the result that you are after. Whatever the result is, just go to that situation where you’re having trouble and create a resource. How can I make this happen? Constantly, every time I get stuck how can I move it along in a very effective way in order to get the result that I want. It doesn’t have to be anything complicated, just something that works for you. I hope you got a lot of value from this video and that you learned a thing or two and if you did, please subscribe to my channel and hit the notification bell to be notified next time the video is available. In the meantime, go ahead and watch any of these two videos. I’m sure you’ll get a lot of value out of them as well. Till next time, I wish you all the best. Let’s get out there and start changing lives one session at a time. See ya!